The ‘How to’ of clearing a hoarder’s home

Often the decision for a senior to move from their home into a senior living community comes about because of an event like a fall or the death of a spouse. This change also often brings about an awareness/awakening for the children to more accurately see the situation for what it really is.  Hoarding can often be hidden by a parent and a turn of events can bring it to the fore. The need for clearing a hoarder’s home becomes apparent.

The response from the children is often to bulldoze…  To go into the situation ‘guns blazing’.  The idea is to address the physical problem by attempting to – in as quick a time as possible – remove as much ‘stuff’ as they can.  While this always comes from the right place, it may not be the correct approach to adopt.

Below are some steps to help you with the clearing process from a respectful and understanding angle.  This approach may take a little more time but is going to yield better results in the end with a lot less stress on your parent and yourself.

OPEN THE CONVERSATION

You may have to begin and attempt to have this conversation a few times.  But you are going to have more success if you don’t accuse or get confrontational.  Avoid words that will make your parent become defensive.  Ask your parent what their goals would be for their home, emphasise that you are not judging and that what happens at home is private and confidential and you will not go talking about it to anyone.  

Remember that decisions should be made by your parent, or they should at least be fully involved and on board with it if at all possible.  It is almost impossible to declutter and sort a senior’s home if they don’t want to do it.  Avoid telling them what to do, or what you will be doing, rather ask what they would like to achieve and then how you can help them achieve this.

Break it down

Choose one project to begin the process.  For e.g. the garage or storeroom.

Beginning with an area that is likely to have the least emotion attached to it is a good way to begin.  Then set a clear objective For e.g. – Removing and clearing enough stuff from the garage to be able to park the car inside.

Remember it’s not about ‘fixing the person’ and it’s important to manage your expectations.

Set a schedule

Agree on a daily/weekly schedule but be realistic about what you will achieve.  Tackling a project more often for a shorter period helps keep everyone’s emotions in check.  If you find that emotions start running high, take a break or leave it for the day.  Once your parent feels attacked or gets defensive you are unlikely to achieve anything positive that day.  Be sure to acknowledge small victories and to keep motivating and encouraging.

Remove waste timeously when clearing a hoarder’s home

Understanding that this process is difficult for your parent and supporting them through it is important.  It’s also important to remove the temptation of having the items that you have managed to clear as quickly as possible.  Having a skip on site is a good idea, alternatively, be sure to regularly removing all discarded items as quickly as possible.  The last thing you want is to spend all the time and effort to clear a room or area only to have your parent bringing these discarded items back into the home.

If you try this process but find that you are just too closely or emotionally involved and it is becoming frustrating and counterproductive you may decide that you want to bring in a neutral 3rd party.  A Senior Moving Manager can be of assistance in taking on the task of clearing and sorting from an empathetic and constructive point of view.  

For more information on hoarding and clearing a hoarder’s home, visit the website of The Institute of Challenging Disorganisation – https://www.challengingdisorganization.org/clutter-hoarding-scale-  or speak to Marylou at Clear Path to see how we can assist, we are the only members of NASMM (National Association of Senior and Speciality Moving Managers) in South Africa.

Click here for an article describing a collector, clutterer and hoarder or here for an article about identifying when help is needed.