What is Elderspeak and are we using it?

Carers, domestic staff, assisted living community staff, family and friends are all – for the most part – caring, good and supportive people in the life of a senior. They want what’s best for the seniors and will do everything they can with respect and commitment.  Sometimes we speak to someone with what we consider is a warm and friendly tone and voice but it is perceived or interpreted in a completely different way because of the way we speak or our choice of words.  When dealing with seniors – this is called Elderspeak.

Elderspeak is ‘babytalk’ used with older people.  It is the use of words that we would not use with an adult who is not considered ‘older’ or less able.  It is also – very importantly – the tone, pitch and intonation one uses.

Think about phrases like…

‘Sweetie, you need to eat up all your dinner’ or ‘It’s time for bed otherwise you will be grumpy in the morning’.  These are examples of phrases that are just as likely to be said to a nursery school child but are used with someone who has possibly successfully raised a family and run a household or who may have been a captain of industry or run his own business.  Words, phrases and tones such as these that are used with the best intention are generally interpreted as being patronising and disrespectful. Intonation is the rhythm of our speech and using a ‘singsong intonation is often used with babies and toddlers.

Let us all be aware that we are showing respect in everything we say and in how we are saying it.  Research shows that using Elderspeak will often have the opposite effect on what you are trying to achieve.  Dementia clients may have more trouble understanding words and sentences and so rely more on pitch, tone and intonation to translate the meaning of what you are saying.  They will often have a negative reaction to Elderspeak and their frustration manifests in challenging and resistant behaviour simply because they feel frustrated and belittled and are unable to communicate that to you.  

So, what should we be aware of when interacting with a senior?

Begin by asking a senior what you should call them

Don’t assume that they are happy with you using their first name – check first that they are comfortable with this.  Remember that they may have been called Mr/Mrs or Dr for most of their adult life and it has been used as a term of respect.  Remember that they will invariably be dealing with an element of loss in their lives – the loss of a loved one, their home, their health, dignity and or independence.  Be sure that they do not also feel that they have also lost the respect that they have earned and deserve.

Elderspeak: Avoid using diminutive or derogatory terms

‘How is my little lady this morning?’ or ‘We need to take a little pill now’.  Speak with care and compassion, and authority if need be, but avoid using words and terms that are negative.

Avoid using singsong in your sentences or a high pitched tone – this is elderspeak

Speak clearly and with a fair volume

Do not shout or obviously enunciate your words.

Rather rephrase

If the senior doesn’t hear you or seems to not have understood or comprehended what you have said then rather than repeating it louder rather rephrase your sentence.  If possible, remove your mask – people who are hard of hearing rely on lips as much as a voice to understand you.

We see Elderspeak being used by all manner of people who interact with seniors.  It’s not necessarily what you are saying that is causing a negative reaction it may simply be your choice of words or the way you are saying it!  We all wish for respect to be shown to ourselves, so let’s be sure to show that same respect to those who have earned it over time but may simply need a little more assistance with their day to day lives than us.

If the seniors in your life need to move into a senior living village, here is an idea of how to persuade them to move: https://www.clear-path.co.za/making-the-decision-to-move-how-to-help-your-parents/